You were a son of a gun; a whirlwind of a year. I experienced and felt literally every emotion possible. Starting my year out (literally breaking up on NYE) in the despairs of heartbreak, unable to leave my bed for a week – to capping the year off asleep at 11:45pm on NYE only to awake at 12:05am, missing the countdown but feeling the love from friends and family in the abundance of messages on my phone…2015, you were a wild one.
I went from that broken-hearted, fragile, scared, unsure of herself and her own worth gal to who I am now. I know what I want and refuse to settle for any less.
Sure, I’ve had some fun along the way, kissed a few boys, gone on a few dates…but nothing made me learn more about myself and what I want then the time I spent alone.
Over the past year, I would often find myself at home alone, cherishing my alone time. Of course, sometimes I was holed up because the grips of my depression and anxiety refused to let me even believe I could do anything besides lay there and feel sorry for myself, but I digress.
Those times I made the conscious decision to stay home were amazing. I spent so much time over the past year reflecting on everything that has happened in my life. And believe you me – there is a lot to look back on.
It’d It’ll make for an interesting book, that’s for sure.
In my measly 32 years on this planet we call Earth – I have been through some pretty rough things. I could play the woe is me card, play the violin and go into detail about the abusive relationships from my past, the struggle to find my self-worth, the constant battle I fight with myself and my depression…but instead – I took a lot of time this year to focus on the AMAZING things I’ve had happen in my life.
If you change your attitude, change your perspective, change your train of thought…you can actually change the mood you are in. Who would thunk it?!
“Your perspective on life comes from the cage you were held captive in.”
So I would sit there, reminisce and go through pictures. I would experience and feel every emotion that came through. Sure, there was some sadness, but how many people can say they packed up all their belonging and took a road trip to Las Vegas, and lived there for months…not working – just LIVING? How many people can say they then drove up the Pacific Coast and moved to a brand new city, only knowing one person there and ended up making some of the best friends a girl could ask for?
Or how about the fact that I have the most beautiful, energetic, hilarious, smart, silly nieces in the whole entire world. I’m not being biased – they really are that spectacular. They’re being raised by an amazing lady (my sister) and I believe that they have inherited all the amazing qualities of our close-knit immediate family. They’ve gotten the stubbornness, the eagerness, the personality and most importantly – the constant giving of love that I admire and respect from my sister, mother and grandmother. We’re a tight-knit circle, and while we have our ups and downs, we’re family and we will go to battle for each other.
Not to mention the amazing friends I have in my life. The kind of friends who can sense I’m in crisis and drive to my house in the middle of the night to make sure I’m ok. The kind of friends who can tag me in the utmost silly and random memes found on the internet because they know me oh-so-well. The kind of friends that have grown from online aquaintances to some of the best friends I could ever imagine and that will be in my life forever. Yeah, they’re pretty alright.
The ongoing support and encouragement my friends and family have shown me over the years is astonishing. I’ve not always been the best person – I have made quite a few mistakes and even more bad choices – but my friends and family have been a rock of steady support and I seriously don’t know how I could have gotten through ANYTHING without them by my side.
I’m in a place where I’m finally, genuinely happy.
So really – 2015 wasn’t all that bad.
This year I also made some big changes in my personal life. You’ve read the Dating Diary, you know of the one I actually let in and tried with…and while 2015 had brought some great stories – the year capped off with me still searching. And you know what, that’s ok. The time I spent alone this past year really helped me figure out exactly what it is that I want. I finally found that self-worth everyone is always talking about and now I refuse to settle for anything less.
I am, and always will be, a wear my heart on my sleeve, give everything my all, jump in head first kind of gal. That’s just who I am. I’m a hopeless romantic.
So I’ll continue on my quest to find my Prince Charming, he’s got to be out there, right? And in the meantime – if I have to kiss a few frogs along the way, so be it.
After all, there are no bad dates, only good stories – right?