The other night I found myself staring up at the ceiling as I laid in bed, fighting another battle with insomnia. I was following the cracks and lines along the ceiling that come from the wear and tear over the years, and I couldn’t help but compare it to the wear and tear we go through ourselves in life. Like everyone else – I have been hurt. I’ve hit what I thought was rock bottom, been so hurt I thought I would never be able to trust or love, again. My heart has been broken…more than once. Those little pieces have had to be put back together over and over. But, the damage is done, the cracks are there – and the walls I’ve built after each heart break have to be rebuilt over and over – seemingly getting taller with each rebuild.
Maybe those cracks from being broken – are the things that actually hold you together afterwards. You’re actually stronger because of them; you’re stronger because you know that even though you’ve been hurt – you survived and got through it. And that love you experience after being hurt? Well, that love is one like no other. Because you have been hurt – you have to let your guard down and actually allow someone new in.
They slide through the cracks.
I’ve spent a lot of time over the past year or so trying to “find myself,” trying to work some personal things and truly find the value in myself that I hope one day my future parnter will find. I’ve had a complicted past, and while that may throw some guys off, it’s my past that defines me. As complicated as it, and I, may be – that’s the truth of the matter. While trying to work through my issues, I couldn’t help but remember that remember that Sex and the City episode where Aiden explains to Carrie that sometimes, what actually looks like a flaw – can be a good thing.
Aidan: You see this piece?
[Aidan points out a spot where two pieces of wood meet on his artisan loveseat.]
This big old flaw right here?
It’s not a flaw, really.
It’s just the way the wood is.
I think it’s interesting, kind of beautiful.
Carrie: So, flaws can be good?
Aidan: Flaws are the best part.
Letting that new person in won’t always be easy. You may be scared, hesitant even. There is the fear of letting down those walls and letting someone in to see the real you, flaws and all.
The fear of getting hurt again cannot be stronger than the desire for happiness and love though.
You will never know unless you try; unless you take that chance on a new love; take that chance on letting someone in. You have to take chances in life – after all, life is either a daring adventure – or nothing at all.
when that scary feeling you get of the unknown is outweighed by the exciting feeling of taking the chance to find out
— Jenn (@JennAndTheCity) March 19, 2016