I have so many friends coming to me and asking for my advice when it comes to online dating. They’re out there, playing the field – but are having no luck when it comes to a) finding quality matches, and b) securing dates. Seeing as I have been on my fair share of dates over the past year, I know that things can become repetitive, boring even. Whether it’s in the conversations leading up to your date, or even on your first date – it often feels as though you’re on a never-ending interview, answering the same general questions.
Where are you from? How was your weekend? Etc., etc.
BORING…and for the most part, not relevant. Chances are in your online dating profile – you answer many of these mundane questions. If you’re looking for love through online dating – it’s time to start digging a little deeper and getting to the good stuff. You need to see if your personalities mesh well, and you can do this by asking great questions and learning more about each other on your first date. By the end of your first date you want to see if you connect with this person, whether you share similar values, and figure out if this is something you want to see flourish. By asking the right questions, you can determine if this is someone you want to learn even more about.
It’s not always easy to talk about oneself. I know I personally get shy and embarrassed when put on the spot. Surprisingly – I’m not one to enjoy all the attention being put on me, so I’ll try to find a way to deflect it. One way around this is by asking someone how their friends may describe them. By not asking someone to directly “sell” themself, but rather describe how their friends see them, it relieves some pressure – plus is a great segue into discussing their friendships and relationships in life.
“So, what do you do?” Steer away from such a generic question. Instead, ask something like, “Do you enjoy what you do?” or, “If you could be doing anything professionally, what would it be?” And if it’s not what they are currently doing, ask why not. It’s a great insight into their day-to-day lives because we all spend so many hours working every day.
Some people aren’t always comfortable opening up about their families on a first date, so instead – try asking for some fun and interesting stories from their childhood. Hopefully your date will open up and you’ll get to see their family values, and find out if they align with your own. Remember though – every family has drama, LOL. So don’t make assumptions if some wild stuff comes up.
Don’t ask the obvious, “So, what do you do for fun?” Every time I was asked this I wanted so badly to say, “Honestly – I like to stay in my PJs all day and night on Sunday and just eat a bunch of food and watch trashy tv and old movies while laying in bed.” While that sounds awesome (don’t be judgemental – you know it does), it’s not really the ideal answer. So instead, rephrase the question. “What’s a hobby or pastime that you’ve always enjoyed?” This is a little more specific and can branch out into a more in-depth conversation. Perhaps this is a hobby that can be shared? Perhaps it’s something you’ve always wanted to take up?
I can’t even tell you how many online dating profiles I came across that said “World Traveller,” or “I can’t live without my passport.” Or the guys who posed with the lions and tigers (and bears, oh my!). We get it – you like to travel. I mean – who doesn’t, really!? But digging a little deeper regarding ones travel preferences can actually tell a lot. Are you the type who prefers an all-inclusinve, sit on a beach for a week with a daiquiri in hand, traveller? What if your date is more the adventure-seeking, rock-climbing, city-exploring type? By asking, “What’s the most memorable, best vacation you have ever been on?” you can find out their travel-type easily. Of course, follow-up by asking what their dream vacation is..then maybe you can start planning your trip together! LOL