I sat there while getting this semicolon tattoo this past weekend, and had tears streaming down my cheeks. This was the only time I have ever cried while getting a tattoo, and this was my fifth. I was crying not because of any pain it was causing (which was none, FYI) – but because of its significance.
A period signifies the end of a sentence. But a semicolon represents something else.
A semicolon is used when an author could’ve chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.
I got this semicolon tattoo to serve as a reminder to myself, especially on those rough days – that my sentence, my story – is not over.
* Flashback to February 17, 2013 *
There are certain days in your life that you will never forget. You remember every little detail, vividly. For me, that day is February 17, 2013. I was laying in the ER, staring at the ceiling. I can remember tasting the saltiness of my tears as they streamed down my face. I can remember the fluorescent lights shining down, and the one that wouldn’t stop flickering in the corner. I remember seeing everyone rush past me, hurrying along.
I remember the pain, the constant pain I felt. I remember the sadness that took over my life to the point where I felt like I could no longer go on; to where I felt my only escape was death.
On February 17, 2013 – I attempted to take my own life. After battling with severe depression and anxiety for as long as I could remember, I felt as though I had no more energy to fight. Worse – I just didn’t want to anymore.
I remember that we had a snowstorm the night before. It was cold and grey outside, it was as if Mother Nature was matching what I was feeling…utterly dreadful.
For years and years, I suffered alone. Finding any way that I could to escape the reality of life. Anything to numb the everlasting pain I felt inside. But there was no running now. I had hit my bottom.
Not a day goes by where I don’t think back to that dreadful day, February 17, 2013. While my battle with depression and anxiety is one that will be forever on-going, I can thankfully say I am in a much better spot, mentally and emotionally, now.
My semicolon tattoo is a reminder that my story is not over.
I know that my story doesn’t end here, and I’m glad it didn’t end on that day in 2013.